Gossiping about old school days my friend narrated this tale, about how this new girl joined, back when she was in high school, and how like all new girls, she was just perfect. Shiny hair, fair, the attitude…oh yes, and the perfect grades. She was filled with jealousy, curling in it until one day she deviously spun a nasty tale about her and had people talking about her behind her back. The new girl had a few bad days and then moved on and things came back to shiny for her. But our subject here is not the new girl, but the jealous driven behavior of the old.
Jealousy is poisonous, it burns a deep hole of void through us and fills it with fire, burning things along the way. The emotions of jealousy is a two edged sword, where you tell yourself a story that you created . You spin up a tale to justify your jealousy and it further emboldens the fire in the stomach. It pushes you to demonize the person and deepens your despair.
It is hardly discussed in the written world beyond a definition-you find little more on it to decode this basic human behavior. But if you turn to fiction-jealous rules. At the base of the dilemma is the crude, unabashed envy of a fictious character. Like Omkara, like Severus Snape in Harry Potter. It was Ashar’s jealousy that pushed him to hate Khirad in Humsafar and turn his character into such an enchanting charcoal grey.
Jealousy is an exhausting emotion, to understand how it works, know that you can only be jealous of someone you hold in a similar position as yourself, an established designer or a blogger will be a source of inspiration for me, but a young designer with my kind of background and talent if does better than me would turn me green. Jealousy evokes against the closest to us which makes this emotion very lethal and in some case a total relationship ruiner, where you fall in hate with who you are jealous of, and ditch them instead of treating it from the inside. A classic case is the famed sister rivalry.
But the truth of the matter is that each of us has a purpose in life and a set defined path, self love helps you get over anxiety and jealousy. Here’s my personal list of helping yourself when jealous:
Identify the emotion
The first step to helping yourself is admitting you are jealous. Keep denying it and there is surely a road to no return.
Why is it troubling you
The answer to this question helps you identify an underlying insecurity which has nothing to do with the person you are jealous of .
Connect on the inside
Connect to your feelings completely and don’t push them away, like a loving mother, talk yourself out of it. Pour in some love. Self love kicks out jealousy and anxiety.
Love the inadequateness of things
Sometimes it’s wonderful and different and painful and amazing to have things inadequately. Rejoice in the shortcomings , say Allhamdulilah and more will come.
List down all you have to be grateful for
Practicing gratitude and being thankful of how things turned out for you helps push the feeling down and out. Remember your strengths.
Let loose the reins of control, leave things to fate.
Yupp, do that at times. Drop the struggle, the competition, breathe and relax. The weightlessness is amazing.
A week into my second child’s birth, Bumble Bee says outraged, ” Mama, send him back to the hospital!” He’s so jealous, we all admitted. We laughed a bit and loved and kissed him. Jealously needs to be dealt with compassion, with acknowledging yet not ridiculing. We should treat it as a brief mental illness rather than a deep fault. So tomorrow if you feel like someone is not being happy for you, is feeling resentment, just hug them and realize that they are jealous, but it’s ok. Its ok to be jealous, but let’s not turn it into the poison of envy where we want to snatch it all away and keep it for ourselves. That my friend, is a flaw, the deadly sin.